Wednesday, July 25, 2018

I am writing this on the Monday following the Wednesday that this should have been posted. That should be a good example of how my struggles are going. I let myself get behind because of a couple of good days, and now I have FOUR blogs I should write today. I originally laid these out as realistic and doable blogs, one a day, for five days. I just feel like I have been so tired lately… though admittedly I have been trying to do more outside of my office and home. Between being social, having a therapy appointment, and going on errands I don’t typically do, I am behind. So I can apparently cope if I keep the status quo, but when I try to improve or alter my life, there goes my routine. Routine can be everything to someone like me. I love not having structure, but I really do need it and I know that. Being a single adult, I am really the only one in my world who is able to keep me in line. It is a monumental task. I have let myself go emotionally and physically dealing with everything of the last few years. It is understandable, but not ideal. So when I try to take back some semblance of control, I struggle.

Anyway, so if that is the problem what is the solution? It isn’t easy to force focus when my life has been so void of it, but that is where I have to try. If I didn’t try anymore, my life would be way more of a mess than it is. My little strength that has remained is what is bringing me out of all of this… slowly. Everything is a very slow process. I have tried rushing it and it just leads to an even bigger relapse into the confines of my mind. So in trying, I keep my lists. I have digital and hand-written lists. It works for me. I have the regular daily, weekly, or monthly tasks all programmed into this app called Swipes. It is simple, but it lets me achieve what I need to with it. I even have it remind me of when to take medications, when I should go to sleep, when I should clean the litter box, when I should write these blogs, and so on. I am working to do more with it, but often the idea just completely escapes me… such as having the thought right now as I write this that I should program my recurring bills into the app as reminders for when they need to be paid. I have one bill in there, a subscription to car washes, of all things. I should really put my others in there. That would probably be a very good idea since I cannot always rely on my memory for such things. Then the paper lists I create are of the daily tasks I should focus on. Do I have an Etsy order to work on? A special order? Yes and yes, by the way. Mondays are always the busy day where I try to do the most. I think that is probably true for most of the population, though, since it is the official start to a new week.

So I make my lists and I am ready to start working. I also make notes throughout the day that I keep with the lists of the day and it all gets taped into a journal/scrapbook sort of thing. In one of my art classes, the teacher emphasized an ideas scrapbook to house all of our ideas and outside inspirations. I continue to do this sort of thing to this day, and I love it. There are gaps for sure, I don’t always have something to say for the day, or sometimes weeks… but I always come back to it. I find it very satisfying. Plus I love to organize my thoughts this way. Although having just filled up a book, I have a stack of notes (which I always time and date) that need to go into a new book. I just have to find one. It seems by the time I fill up a book, the book I so enjoyed putting my thoughts in is no longer available. I should just buy a few the next time I find a favorite… but that will go on the long list of things I should do. I should. I am my own worst enemy, but I am working to soften the divide.

Here is a link to the website for the Swipes app that I mentioned above. It is free, although they do offer paid versions for groups and such. The free version also allows you to connect to your Evernote app for adding details on the tasks on your list. I have been using it for over a year now and it is something I need in my life.